Where's the Sun?

Turns out this is nothing but a hidden diary where I tell my aggravations, vents, fears and heartache. I want to cry when I talk to other people, so I will cry and tell the hidden online world instead. :/

Missy came over on a Sunday two weeks? ago. We had a jolly time for a bit, and then we mentioned Dad. Yep. It became real. We noticed some "things and doings" that each of us had heard/seen. These things brought us to the definite conclusion that he is going to leave us.

Mom had told me Dad was cleaning out his garage, and had some stuff for me to see if I wanted them or not. Okay. Free stuff- Sweet! Missy mentioned how Dad asked her to look up values of things he finds. What he has found has not made him satisfied. My parents owe money on their house. Dad's life insurance will cover either 50% or 75% (couldn't remember the exact amount it was worth.) Dad could get more money for life insurance, but he refused to go to the dr to do it. We believe he is trying to set my Mom up so she won't have this huge financial burden when he is gone. Such a sweet and loving man.

Our family friend Danielle has been preparing Missy, I think. Her Grandma died from this stuff, and she's sees Dad in the same state. She keeps telling Missy about how similar Dad and her Grandma are. Missy is the most emotional of us 3 older girls. Rather, she is the most publicly emotional person. Shell hides hers the best, and I'm the runner up. So now that I have re-hashed the fact that I truly believe my Dad is dying, and quickly, we have more family news.

My Aunt Veronica was in the hospital, and we found out she has heart, kidney and lung issues. And it's pretty bad. She's been bad for a long time, but since her visit to the hospital the other week, it's been VERY bad. Along with this, she has no insurance to visit a specialist, and they are poor, so she can't really afford a doctor or treatment. Probably already stressed on how to pay the hospital bill. Her daughter is scared, worried and feeling lost. I get it.

My Aunt Gladys had lung cancer a few years ago, and had a surgery to remove part of her lung. She was cancer free for.....3 years? She gets routine testing to check for the cancer, and some issues showed up with her blood work. Looks like she could have bone marrow cancer. We'll find out for sure on the 17th or 18th of this month. But the doctors were pretty specific on what they thought it could be right down to the name of 1 thing.

My Aunt Loretta was also recently in the hospital for her heart. It's been bad for her for a long time, and she got on meds to see if it helped her out. It did for a little bit, then she went in to the hospital for heart pains. She may need stints. She's not doing well either though.

I love all these people dearly, and this is just too much! Luckily, I don't think that side of my family realizes my Dads issues right now. They have enough going on. The last few years we haven't really been up to Puyallup to visit very much. My other relatives that used to live near here moved out to North Dakota, so they don't see it either.

I do normally stay happy and very in love with my family, but that's because I put all of this out of my mind, and ignore it. I'm pretty good at that really. It just kind of sneaks in everyonce in awhile and makes me very melancholy.

I hate remembering.